Cleanest Common Denominator

"You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds...(Eph 4.22-23) NIV"

I am divorced. I believe that the scriptures do not make provision for a man or woman to remarry while both are still alive. It is a very unpopular, but biblically sound standpoint. It also causes tremendously heated debate. For this reason, I have remained single and gratefully turned down opportunities to date for the past three plus years. Scripture's clearest and wisest path for my life (given current circumstances), is to "seek first His kingdom" regardless of whether or not "all these things will be given to" meMt.6.33.

Teasing this out means - the wisest path for me to take is to continue to work on who I am through renewing my mind with God's word and becoming he best that God would have me be. Should my ex-wife predecease me, then I may take steps toward dating, but only after wise counsel and prayerful consultation with the Lord..

While quite a controversial stance, this is not the purpose of this post, rather context for a revelation God has made to me. While single, my view of the love relationships around me has become remarkably clearer. Without a dating relationship in my own face, my ability to see more objectively has been unhindered. What I have seen, for the most part, are women who are dying to be dated and men who feel they have to be dating in order to be a man.

I am painting with rather broad strokes, but I've got to ask - have you seen people jump from relationship to relationship thinking it was the relationship that was bad rather than the participants in the relationship? How many times have you seen her make the same relational mistake with guy after guy? Have you mentioned to her that the common denominator may not be the guys?

Scripture bears out that God desires a relationship with us and to prosper us, unfettered by the many snags and pitfalls that come being broken people living in a broken world. That being said, wouldn't it be smart to take some time off from intimate relationships to "renew our minds" (and, consequently, our hearts and souls) before moving to the next one? Could God be smart enough to create the universe, 600 kinds of beetles, and know what is right for us in all areas of our Lives? Is it possible that "defragmenting" your hard drive could make your computer run faster and access your files more efficiently? Is it possible that a renewed, rebuilt engine could function close to a new one? Is it possible that orange juice could taste any worse than after you've just brushed your teeth and not let the mint flavor wear off of your tongue?!

Then, why do we insist on leaving one relationship to jump into a new one, without renewing our minds? Knowing that there are three sides to every story, how much weight do we put on our side of the equation? How much have we truly prepared for a new relationship based on the empirical, objective behaviors that played even a minor tributary's role in the past relationship's collapse?

Can you pinpoint and own the actions you took that contributed to its demise?

Then, perhaps, you're ready to "put on the new self."

Then, perhaps, you're ready to meet someone else's new self.