"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard." 1 Peter 3.7, NLT
I think the NLT gets the Greek word "time" right here - it is often translated "respect" or "value". But, "honor" is a word often used reciprocally in reference to the relationship husbands and wives should have. But, there is no need for offense. This is not a "barefoot and pregnant" command. This is not in any way meant to be misogynistic. Hard to believe?
Let's give credit where due - we men, as a whole, tend to be rough, brash, more focused on logic and solutions than women. Oops. Just lost credibility... Am I painting with broad strokes? So was Peter. Does he leave room for exceptions? Clearly. However, as a general rule, if you were God for a moment and you knew how stubborn men were on the whole, and you had seen them screw up this relationship thing over and over, wouldn't you give them a clear and clamorous caveat about their bumbling approach to relationships?
Boys, what do we do when carrying an object of great value? I'm thinking a Ming vase filled with water. Are we a bit more careful where and how we step? Do we take into consideration every edge, corner, and surface of the objet d'art we hold in our hands? Notice, though, that Peter urges us in indefinite terms first and then comes back to definite status "she may be weaker... but she is your equal partner". In other words, "you are equally yoked, but will have a tendency to pull at different speeds - in emotional situations she will walk more steadily than you (broad strokes, again), but you may have a tendency to drag her through logic when she really needs nurturing. Take care - heed her mood, read her mood, lead her mood in the way she needs her mood to be lead, and then you will avoid unnecessary relational damage, scars, and bruising - your prayers will not be hindered."
Am I reading too much into this? Are these generalizations degrading to women? What if God knew something ages ago that we still struggle with and stumble over to this very day - that men and women are different and we must learn how to treat each other to avoid the relational chaos that so permeates our broken, selfish world? If He didn't know that, do you think He'd have put so many pairs of relational counsel in His word? Notice how often advice is given first to one sex and then to the other?
We have the potential to come together with the word of God between us, or to let our misunderstandings of it divide us. But, if God's greatest commands are to love Him, and love others as ourselves, wouldn't it make sense that his warning to men would be - treat her tenderly, with honor, value, and respect, as you would if she were a weaker partner or your hard, unflexible heart will connect to me like a bogged down DSL connection in a busy chat room?
Simply stated: "Treat her as if or I'll make you wish you did." - God
Or, in the words of my favorite Haiku
"Oh, she wants me to
love her just like she would love
her if she were me..."
3 comments:
Good, balanced view, Aarron. I'm writing a paper right now on complementarianism and egalitarianism, and it's been fascinating to view the different perspectives. If you want to hear the best arguments for each side, visit the following sites:
Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Christians for Biblical Equality
Aarron,
You did a great job with what's usually a minefield.
What if God knew something ages ago that we still struggle with and stumble over to this very day - that men and women are different and we must learn how to treat each other to avoid the relational chaos that so permeates our broken, selfish world?
You've hit on something important. We're different, but we tend to forget that when we deal with each other. Men can be rough in their relationships, as you said. But women tend to interpret that roughness as an emotional toughness that men don't necessarily have. We end up treating the man's Ming vase too carelessly. It's a wonder anybody survives the chaos at all.
No surprise God had to hammer us about our relationships over and over. We just don't get it too much of the time.
I love that Paul told us (husbands and wives) to submit to one another. Men and women both have so much to learn.
Just posted my paper on this topic - you can get the link to it here if you like.
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